I like the simplicity of this because the simplicity makes the image very powerful.
I agree with your assessment about the people, really adds the human element to the memorial aspect. Mike is right, the stark simplicity is what is needed. I like that you choose to have the names in the foreground in focus, after all that is the point of the memorial.
Simple is always good. I like it.
I was wondering if taking out either the group of people or just that one on the left might work out better.