This is simple and effective:
I might quibble about some of the decisions that you made in creating this image, but they are quite minor when compared to the comments on this one.
Hoping and wishing something is going to work is generally not a good approach when one is trying to create something. A more hard-nosed approach of analyzing what is working and what is not working in the image is what one needs to do.
Agreed! The viewer's eye should move to the subject or area of interest in the image right away, without being impeded by distractions. The moment the viewer starts getting distracted, he or she will quickly lose interest and move on.
There never are any hard and fast rules that one can apply every time, but that being said, the rules usually do work.
The famous architect Mies van der Rohe, of Bauhaus fame, followed his motto "Less is more" throughout his career. Robert Capa, the famous photographer, said "if your images aren't good enough, you're not close enough". Both of these examples really move in the same direction - simplify and eliminate the unnecessary.
Just as an aside, one of the examples I had thought of posting in #1 is this shot of one over van der Rohe's last projects: