The eyes look over processed and her left eye isn't sharp. Sorry
+1 to Roy's comments. Plus her hair on left looks unfocused, and cut off. Just looks pushed way too much
Same as the previous comments for me. I could accept the out of focus hair, particularly with the close crop on that side; but her eye is a serious problem to an otherwise good image.
I'm not loving the background; it almost makes it look like the face has been composited onto it. If it complimented the portrait, it could work but it is bordering on being distracting. The hair is not an issue in my view.
There are a few things that do pop pit at me:
1. The camera left eye is dominant (i.e. larger). This can be an issue when shooting straight on. Having the subject turn their head so that the dominant eye is farther away from the camera is usually a quick and easy fix.
2. Dilated pupils - you were shooting in a fairly dark room so the pupils are quite large. The advantage of using a studio light, rather than a speedlight or other portable light is that the modeling light in studio lights closes down the pupils and shows more iris. The "trick" that a lot of us use in this situation is to have a fairly bright light falling on the model (a simple light bulb is all it takes).
3. Hot spot on the neck draws attention to it. Burn that down a touch and it do something about that bright hair there and the who look of the shot will change.
The latest version looks a lot better to me.
I like the later version better than the original. I agree with Manfred when he says "I'm not loving the background." The background is very busy and distracts the eye from Krystel's face. If you need to use a low light position for the main light I would soften the shadow of the nose on her cheek in post processing and eliminate that dark patch in the middle of the image.
If you're going that tight, you need to crop tighter and lose the R.Shoulder: it is about 4 times the palette area than the distracting hot spot on the neck. Also tighter crop attains a better balance.
Agree that the background was a poor choice.
WW
The metal bits hanging from her nose do not help the picture.
William W is (not unexpectedly ) correct - the suggested crop gives a much better image.
It's a matter of taste, but I find even the second one over-processed--to much clarity/structure and too much midtone contrast. I think it would be better if you backed off even farther. But just my taste.